WARNING: The following menus may induce severe indigestion, irritation and feelings of rage due to disagreeable political views, rampant retweeting and a sudden spike in hunger for red meat.

Donald's Wall of Cheese:

Love Tacos but have a problem with Mexican immigrants then you better get your conflicted ass to your favorite Taco joint before a great wall is built along the southern border. Or you could try building your own Trump Tacos. Start with a hard taco shell, add chile and ground beef, then stuff with 6 pounds of melted cheese and sprinkled with powdered Cheetos. Looking for something more “All American”? Then try the ‘really, really, great…. I promise you” - This HUGE foot long Kobe Hot Dog spills out of the bun, the undercooked mystery meat is mixed with Doritos and the best, most expensive caviar,and is finally dusted with gold flakes. All voters also must order a side of Truffle Fries and a bottle of Armand de Brignac, believe me you’ve never had anything like it…believe me. For desert try the very, very super rich vanilla (not chocolate) ice cream. Made daily with Tahitian Vanilla Beans flown in directly from Tahiti every morning (suck it global warming) and drizzled with edible platinum and crushed mother of pearl (recipe cannot be substituted with chocolate), guaranteed to make your colon great again.

The Clinton Shuffle:

Roasted chicken breast served not too hot, not too cold, with some flavor, but not too much flavor. A side of mashed potatoes, unless polls show that people don't like mashed potatoes, then you can substitute for baked potatoes, or fingerlings. note: No yams or sweet potato fries allowed. Or try the petite filet, cooked to a perfect medium rare with dollop of cheese sauce. This dish is filling, but not so filling that it stretches out your pant suit. Any big brand American beer makes for a perfect pairing, but definitely no micro brews.

Bernie Sanders Sandwich: Price: FREE

Peanut butter and jelly with the edges cut off to trim the fat. If you really want to treat yourself have a slice of Bernie Spamders, a delicious precooked, versatile canned meat first introduced to the American public in 1937. Serve with a half empty, half full glass of room temperature Socialist Iced Tea.